Dad Jokes

Last updated on June 10, 2026.

So frightfully awful... yet wonderfully spiffing.

Some ancient Egyptians claimed there were no crocodiles in their country. I think they were in de Nile.

"Dad, why did you buy a boat?"

"There was a sail."

I work on a submarine, but I think I'm going to quit. I'm under a lot of pressure.

Archive:

Never confess your love to your crush on January 1st. It’s only the first date, after all.

I finally figured out how my computer mouse works! Everything clicks now.

What kind of key do you need to open a banana? A monkey.

"Dad, why doesn't Mom like your Hanukkah puns?"

"Maybe she thinks I'm making light of the celebration."

Never trust atoms. They make up everything.

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

A man walks into a bar. He orders everyone a round.

My best friend's name is Clarence. I like him because he always has the best sales.

What the difference between Iron Man and Aluminium Man?

Iron Man stops the criminals but Aluminium Man just foils their plans.

Did you hear about the houses that fell in love? It was a lawn-distance relationship.

My cell phone doesn't work in the graveyard. I guess you could call it a dead zone.

Q: Why don't ghosts like rain on Halloween?

A: It dampens their spirits.